Fear Farts

Dear Dungarees,

Contact has been established with Char, the trama llama trainer! We have been playing a glorious game of telephone tag for a year. She knows Fran’s story and is the Obi-Wann-Kebobi of llama trainers. She owns a llama and alpaca sanctuary close by. She is coming to the farm to help us!

I lost my mind for a few hours *days/possibly weeks* as I stressed about the llama trainer/rescuer coming to help me build trust with our trauma llama. I thought she would focus on my deficiencies and lock me in prison for being woefully lacking. I almost couldn't come out of the bathroom and face her. When she finds out how unable I've been to make lasting connections with Fran, she will surely take her away. Am I the very worst trauma llama mama there ever was? Do other people have fireside chats with their llamas and laugh uproariously at each other’s jokes? It was getting closer to our scheduled meeting time and I was losing it.

It started with fear farts. “It will pass,” I told myself as I sipped my coffee uneasily. Eventually, I sat in my bathroom trying to control my emotions and intestines. I spoke sternly, but kindly, to my reflection. Washed my face. Braided my hair. My palms were moist, and I felt sick to my stomach. T minus one hour till she arrives. I am woefully unprepared.

3 hours later. I survived the initial training session and Char was like Jesus to my soul. Rather than looking at deficiencies, she focused on beauty and connections. We were given tasks to work on with Fran that seemed IMPOSSIBLE to us. Char said Fran looked great. She’s just never been handled. She gave us hands-on things to work on starting today. She will drop by regularly to work with Fran as well.

I smell like an onion now. Is that normal after this level of stress?

An ode to trauma llama training anxiety

A haiku titled "A Teensy Menty-B"

Unexpected dread

Am I a bad llama mom

Fear farts are the worst